Coping With A Funeral, Sympathy Gifts, Expressing Condolences

How To Cope With A Funeral And The Days That Follow

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or whether it was expected or not, you will find yourself having to deal with a great number of people. Some you will know closely, others may be complete strangers, all claiming some kind of relationship to the deceased.
While grieving for your loved one, you may find yourself not wanting contact with anybody other than those to whom you are closest, and having to deal with so many people can be very difficult. It’s important to understand how to handle them.

Relatives and Close Friends

Those who were close to the deceased need to be contacted before the funeral. When you break the news, remember that they will also need the chance to express their grief and this must be respected, no matter how deeply distressed you are feeling yourself.

Sometimes it can be difficult, if not impossible, to trace certain family members. Do not feel guilty if you’ve not been able to contact them. Some of those who you will need to contact, may be people who you do not know personally. If they come to the funeral and you have not been able to speak to them properly, it would be a good idea to write or telephone them later, to thank them for attending.

The Small Funeral

Perhaps you have decided on a small funeral, either through your own personal preference, or because the deceased made their own preference clear. Perhaps the financial side of the funeral will force you to this decision. Make this clear and stick to your decision.

Polite Conversation

Unless the funeral is very small, it will probably be impossible for you to speak to all of the people who attend. Don’t even try. Most people will understand that you are not going to feel like making polite conversation. You will find that those with any degree of sensitivity, will simply approach you, kiss your cheek/shake your hand, and offer their condolences. They will not expect more than you are able to offer.

The Wake

Most people organize some form of refreshment after the funeral. This can be a good way of accepting condolences from those you were unable to speak with during the actual service. By offering refreshments you are showing that you are willing to share your grief with those who are also suffering through their own loss. Enlist the help of a friend or two. You may feel that you will be able to cope, but having support close by will be very helpful should you find that you are feeling too upset to appear.

The Following Days

Some people find themselves terribly alone in the days following the funeral, whereas others feel that they never have any time to themselves to grieve. Remember that others cannot read your mind anymore than you can read theirs, and they are simply doing what they believe to be right. If they choose to stay away, they are probably doing so out of respect for your privacy. If they choose to spend as much time as possible with you, this will be because they fear for your ability to cope alone. Explain to them what your needs are. If you need people around you, phone some friends and ask them to visit. If you need to be alone, explain this politely and ask if you may phone them should you need their company. You will find that most people are very accommodating as long as they understand your needs.

The loss of a loved one is never easy and nobody will ever expect it to be. For some the funeral seems to pass as just a hazy memory, for which they feel guilt at not remembering the details of this last farewell. Remember that it is the memories you have of the person when alive that are important, and it is these which will remain clear to you in the future. During deep grief it can be very difficult to grasp details of what is happening around us, but this does not mean you didn’t care. Quite the opposite in fact.